Sunday, November 29, 2009

The Should be & Should do Syndrome

Have you ever really thought about these words and how we use them? How often do we tell someone, they should be or do something? The reality is that you are telling them what they are, or doing is not good enough. We all do this to some degree, and most often it is not with the intention of telling someone they are not good enough. However, when you really think about it, that is what the underlining message sounds like?

Should of and should be are really two very negative words, depending on how they are used. Yes, you should have thought more about looking both ways before crossing the street and maybe you would not have gotten hit by the car. There is no harm in using it that way. But really the reality is that you are saying, “How stupid were you to not be paying attention when crossing the street”. LOL….There is no major harm here, however, in times when we are going to use these words in a conversation of giving advice to someone, or telling someone how we feel, this can be completely a different story. An example; “You should really be more like your sister/brother.” That is basically saying; “I would like you better, if you could just be more like your sister/brother.” Can you see the difference? We have to be careful in how we present what we are trying to say.

A friend, family member, or co- worker is putting you in a situation where you feel the need to tell them how you feel. It can be a simple conversation where they are telling you what happened in the day or a direct question to you; seeking your advice. What often can happen, is that we are quick to not listen to what they are saying, and can be too quick to immediately jump in with the “ should do or be” syndrome. And we often loose sight of really listening to whether they are just sharing or are really asking for our advice. Are often we are too quick to tell them what they should do or be based on our own experiences or our own wants.

We all come across people like this in our daily lives. They love dishing out advice, and are very quick to do so. And it seems like no matter what the subject is, or the discussion, they just take that as an invitation to tell you what you should do or how you should be.
There is huge difference when giving advice and telling advice. Giving advice in a way of helping the person seek the advice from themselves and is so much more powerful and meaningful then telling someone what to do. I guess that is why so many people really find comfort from therapists. A therapist has a way of re-directing the issue back to you, in an attempt to let you figure out what you should do or be for yourself. There is so much more power in our lives when we are able to think and live for ourselves. Telling advice is when you basically are letting your opinions, your thoughts, your needs override theirs. There is a huge difference.

How often do you do this very thing? The next time you are partaking in a conversation, think about whether you are a “listener or a teller”. And how often do you use these words; should be or should do? You would be surprised how often it can happen. Make it a mission to use them less.


Parenting with a View.....(Respect your Youth)

Remember the saying; Respect your elders? I remember being told this countless times and to this day I also teach my children this very thing. We need to respect the wisdom and experience that our elders have earned, and to not just stop there. There are a certain amount of innate ethics we all learn, whether they are respecting elders, respecting property, respecting woman, men, our boss, the educated professor, ect. We are taught this from many sources, our parents, our teachers, our family members or friends. I recently taught my son, that when an elderly person is behind him, while entering a room, he will hold the door for them. But often times, I see the need to emphasize that the youth also needs to be respected.

I often see many of the older generation becoming critical and very judgmental of the youth. The elder generation struggles to really remember what it felt like to be young. Too much time has passed. Too many years lie behind them than in front of them. They live now in a world of “telling” the youth how things need to be. They have wisdom; there is no doubt about that. They have learned a great deal in the span of their life. And much of what they have learned is based on time and experience and trial and error. But many have lost the ability to see that they can also learn from the youth.

The youth learn differently. Their view is more creative and subjective and they have imagination and fantasy and their world is not of what has happened, but what they can make happen. They have more time ahead of them than behind. There is a huge difference in this reality. The youth’s lives have not been programmed and formed based on the conceptual belief of life experience. The youth does not have the same life experiences that the older generation has. They don’t see out of the same window.

We need to have more patience with the youth. Try to be less critical and try to learn from them and try to see what they see. How frustrating it must be for the young, to always be told how they should be and how they should do things. Do we take the time to listen to them? Do we pull up a chair and ask a 13 year old or 8 year old how they feel about life or the world around them, and ask their thoughts? We always seek wisdom from elders and from the wise, the most educated, the one with the most experience, but what about the young?
So venture out in the world and ask the child, the teenager and make a sincere effort to learn from them. I bet you will be surprised how they have a lot to share and it is just as valuable as life experience.


Spotlight Movie~~~New Moon

Although I loved the Twilight and New Moon movie, the book series is extremely better. The movies can be confusing to anyone who has not read the books. The depth of the characters and how they became vampires and wolves is thoroughly discussed in the books. Enjoy!

~Charles Barlett ~

Charlie Bartlett has been kicked out of every private school he ever attended. And now that he's moved on to public school, he's simply getting pummeled. But when Charlie discovers that the kids who surround him--the outcast and the popular alike--are secretly in desperate need, his entrepreneurial spirit takes over. Hanging up his shingle in the Boys' restroom, Charlie becomes an underground, not to mention under-aged, shrink who only listens to the private confessions of his schoolmates, and makes the imprudent decision to hand out the pills he's proffered from his own psychiatric sessions. Meanwhile, at home, Charlie keeps charming his way out of an inevitable confrontation his adoring but utterly overwhelmed mother Marilyn. Then, Charlie Bartlett makes his big mistake--falling in love with the beautiful and bold daughter of the school's increasingly disenchanted Principal, who is hot on his trail. As Charlie Bartlett's world and fledgling psychiatric practice unravel, he begins to discover there's a whole lot more to making a difference than handing out pills.


Humor and Inspirational.....

There is a story of a fox, which is very similar to the tale of the boy who cried wolf. Remember that tale?
A deer was bounding in the woods, frantically trying to escape the coyote which was on his heel. The deer comes across the fox who was minding his own business and happy to not be in the line of fire. The deer finds a hiding spot and is hoping the coyote will not see him. The deer sees the fox and the fox sees him, but that is okay.
Sure enough, the coyote comes along and does not see the deer. He stops and asks the fox, “Good day fine fox, have you seen a deer come this way?”
The fox looks at the deer who’s hidden from view, and tells the coyote, “No, I have not seen such a deer,” while he motions to the coyote where the deer is hiding.
The coyote pays no heed to the fox, and continues on his way. The deer comes out of his successful hiding spot and flees past the fox.
“Hey! Aren’t you going to thank me? I saved your life.” The fox said.
“Your words do not speak your actions or what is in your heart.” And the deer continued on.
Now I ask you: “Do your words speak your actions?”


Healing the Soul….

Section I of the Avatar Course begins with theory and sets forth ideas about the relationship between beliefs and reality. These ideas are then subject to various test examinations (individually and in groups) to allow participants to determine whether such relationships do in fact exist. Students learn how to manage their attention (a key skill of leadership), identify and explore their current beliefs and develop compassion.

Section II of the Avatar - The Exercises
Perceptions of their world, effects of beliefs and judgments. How to create personal reality works.

Section II of the Avatar Course develops the participant’s ability to create reality. This often results in transforming realisations about why certain aspects of work or personal life have fallen short of their potential and how to correct this. Students learn how to unlock themselves from beliefs they are ‘stuck’ in and to align their efforts with the future they want to create Self sabotaging beliefs are exposed. They experience reality without judgment.

Section III of the Avatar course - The Rundowns
Your personal identity, deliberate creation of who you are in the world, and the ability to handle your limitations and the ability to help others.

Section III begins with a guided session, which introduces you to procedures and tools that you can use to manage your life they develop a persons ability to intentionally discreate their perceptions of reality. The Student will go through a process that allows them to separate from the most fundamental and restricting belief structures of life, and then on to completes 7 solo rundowns that enable them to address limitations, dependencies, persistent situations, interpersonal conflicts and limiting beliefs of others without confrontation.

The Mission of Avatar in the world is to catalyze the integration of belief systems.When we perceive that the only difference between us is our beliefs and that beliefs can be created or discreated with ease, the right and the wrong game will wind down, a co-create game will unfold and world peace will ensue.

Exert from LIVING DELIBERATELY by Harry Palmer
Avatar® was developed by Harry Palmer in the USA; The Avatar Course was started in 1987 and today is being taught in over 66 countries and in 20 languages. The headquarters - Star's Edge International® are based in Florida, USA.


The Compassion (Peace) Exercise
From Avatar ® Section One
Star’s Edge International®
This exercise can be done anywhere that people congregate (airports, malls, parks, beaches, etc.). It should be done on strangers unobtrusively, from some distance. Try to do all five steps on the same person.
Step 1: With attention on the person, repeat to yourself —
‘Just like me, this person is seeking some happiness for his/her life.’
Step 2: With attention on the person, repeat to yourself —
‘Just like me, this person is trying to avoid suffering in his/her life.’
Step 3: With attention on the person, repeat to yourself —
‘Just like me, this person has known sadness, loneliness and despair.’
Step 4: With attention on the person, repeat to yourself —
‘Just like me, this person is seeking to fulfill his/her needs.’
Step 5: With attention on the person, repeat to yourself —
‘Just like me, this person is learning about life.’
This is an example of some of the tools that Avatar uses to help you make your own realizations about the truth of those around you…….


The Writer’s Guild

Gifts from the Sea~~~~~Anne Morrow Lindbergh

“Though it deals with the essential needs, gifts, obligations and aspirations of woman as distinct from those of man, it is in no sense merely what is sometimes slightingly called a woman’s book. A sensitive, tensile, original mind probes delicately into questions of balance and relationship in the world today, and the result is a book for human beings who are mature or in search of maturity, whether men or woman.”
New York Times Book Review
The setting of her book is the seashore; the time, a brief vacation that lifts her from the distractions of everyday existence into the sphere of mediation. As the sea tosses up its gifts, shells, rare and perfect, so the mind, left to its ponderings, brings up its own treasures.

A Collection of the Best Contemporary Dog Wit
Claudia Kawczynska and Cameron Woo

A pot roast left unguarded. An open bedroom door. An ill-timed squat. Dogs seem to have impeccable timing. Yet how quickly calamity turns to comedy in the company of a dog, and the wrong moment turns out to be just the right one.


The Horoscope’s View…

November 22nd to December 20th Sagittarian

Good Points: Optimistic, loving, sincere, honest
Bad Points: Restless, careless, unreliable, unpredictable

Sagittarian babies are born with the knowing eyes. They will hypnotize you with their calmness and sense of understanding and wisdom. But it won’t take long for your baby to smile, and this will be soon be followed by gurgling laughter. Sagittarian children are the most adventurous of all the signs and need freedom to explore and experiment. But don’t be tempted to try to fool your intelligent toddler with statements like “Teddy’s eaten his breakfast, now why don’t you eat yours?” The curt and logical reply from your clever Sagittarian may well be, “Teddies don’t eat breakfast, they just cuddle!” Sagittarian children love games and sports and girls will enjoy rough and tumble play as much as boys. School will be a delight and they learn very quickly, often leaving their classmates behind but they are always patient with playmates. Little Sagittarians are free spirits so try no to put too many restrictions on yours. Encourage him to make his own decisions and be mare assertive, but never inhibit his natural instincts to explore and play. In return, his trust and loyalty will be boundless.


Hidden Expectations???

Do we have hidden expectations of those around us or of ourselves? Do we let people be who and what they are? And are we thankful for them? Do we allow ourselves to be who we are or are we always trying to conform?

We all have a vision of what we want from our loved ones, our bosses, our jobs, our spouse, children and all those in our lives and of ourselves. We may not always realize it, but we do have expectations; some we know about, some are hidden and those are challenged when things are not what we want them to be.
We seek perfection; we seek well-behaved children, honor-roll kids, beautiful wives, husbands, approval and attention from our parents or anyone for that matter. We want them to be straight, heterosexual, blue-eyed, tall and slender, the top of the class, and the best at their job. We all seek to have those around us be what we would like them to be. And why do we do that? Because it is easier to get along with like-minded people, with people that fit in our nice little clique. It is a natural human quality that we all do.

We spend a great deal of time in our lives teaching our children about respect and good manors and how to be a good person, how to be an honest person, how to be someone to look up to. Just the other night at our dinner table with my husband, daughter who is 13 and son who is 8, we had this discussion. We were talking about imitating people. How boys that wear their baseball hats backwards like the TV gangsters and wondering why you would want to imitate them. My husband told our kids; why not try to be that person people are trying to look up to. Be the positive role model, so to speak. I use to come across this same concept when I took professional motivational classes during my early years of owning a hair salon. There are the concepts such as; if you want to be successful in business, learn what successful business owners do and do it. Don’t take your advice from someone who is filing bankruptcy. But this is another topic to discus in another issue.

Remember the time old saying, which I think every parent repeats in every generation; "if you are going to live under this roof, you are going to follow my rules.” Remember that one? I sure do and believe it or not I have repeated it myself to my young children. In general, it means that there is some fundamental expectation we set for the running of our homes, our jobs, our lives. We have a certain amount of reasonable expectations that are normal to request and expect. You go to work; you follow the rules of the owner’s establishment. You go to grandma’s house; you abide by the rules of her house. If we are going to co-exist with people we need to learn how to conform to some degree. This is a fact of life and we all learn this.

But the topic for today is those hidden expectations that really are not about teaching or guiding but are about judging and holding the vitality and spirit of a person back. If you are expecting someone you love to be what you what them to be, how can they be who they are? Most frustrations in relationships stem from a disappointed expectation. Most feelings of lack of self worth, lack of self-esteem, feeling not good enough, or feeling insecure have everything to do with feeling like we are not living up to the expectation of someone else or what we have of ourselves.

When we know our hidden expectations we can address them and give them their place. We can analyze them; we can ask ourselves what they are and why we have them. Do they have to do with our own insecurities that we don’t want to deal with? Let’s face it; we all have that wanting for things and people to go our way. It is always easier to get along with things when they are going just the way we wanted them to. And when our children are behaving perfectly or our husband or wife is bouncing through the door, ready to make our day all about us. It is when it isn’t going the way we wanted that we see those hidden expectations, and when things are not going smoothly. And then our reactions take over, we respond and it is our response that we have to make sure we understand. We can then ask ourselves, are we preventing the person from being themselves so that it is easier for me and my expectations? And if so, is that fair?

We need to accept people for whom and what they are. We need to allow their light to shine bright. Even if it is so different than ours, even if it means we have to let go of our expectations of them, even if it means we have to bite our tongue. We also have to realize that each of us is on a different quest, we have different life lessons and we all are trying to find our way. We all want to be loved, we all want to be accepted, we all want to laugh, cry, scream and shout and act like children. We all want to live and love.


~~~~Living with Spirituality~~~~

Let me first start by saying that my whole life I have seen spirits. Some people may find this to be strange, weird, crazy, and some interesting, intriguing and there are those that find it comforting to know that they are not alone people.

As a child I use to see spirits during the day. I was the kid who had those imaginary friends that drove my mother crazy. “Mom, you have to set the table for my friends.” This was a common occurrence in my household. As a spiritual child, well, we are the ones that have the imaginary friends, we see things that are not there, and we have great imaginations and love to create fantasies and fairy tales. We see the world in color and love to create it as we go. We tend to be the stubborn ones who don’t enjoy having to conform, and we don’t like to have to believe what we are told.

As I got older and became a wife, and mother of two children, well, lets just say that I get distracted easily and life is busy. The spirit world is always with me, and I still maintain that gift of being able to listen to the trees, hear the call of the invisible world. I have many intuitive gifts, senses, feelings, psychic knowing that are a part of my daily life, but I have found that as I have gotten older, when a spirit wants to visit me, it is usually in the evening; waking me from a sound sleep. It is not always clear why they do. Often there is a message, sometimes something that I know for certain and then other times I have no clue at all. It isn’t always the most pleasant thing. I often sense the presence and feel my heart start to race and my body’s senses kick in. I try not being startled and when I can do that, I will understand the message, but many times no matter how much I know that they come in peace, I still get startled. My poor husband, who has never seen a spirit in his life, has had to deal with this and doesn’t enjoy the evening wake up call in the middle of the night.

My most recent experience is waking up three nights in a row with a woman in my room. The first night, I felt that awareness, that signal that there was someone in my room. My heart started to race; however, I was not able to really see anyone. I could feel that it was a female, oddly enough; it just felt like a woman. An intuitive knowing I would say. The second night she was standing next to my husband’s side of the bed. She was not very clear to me. The room was dark and all I could see was that her hair was long. As she looked at me, she was holding a candle and it looked like she was blowing it out. It was a little startling and I sort of gasped, so the moment didn’t last very long. I spent the whole day feeling like I should try to recall who she was and felt very uneasy, disappointed in myself for being startled and not allowing her to present what she wanted to. And also thinking of what the meaning was in blowing out a candle. I will be honest that at first I didn’t feel very good about it. I told my family in a random conversation at the dinner table, but nothing really came to light.

Then the third night came, and I was again woken, but this time I tried to really relax and not be startled. Even though my heart was racing, I stared at her. She was at the end of my bed, long dark hair, and dressed in what appeared to be a cape or long dark garment with a hood. She was holding a walking stick in her hand and raised her arms up, seemingly that she was about to fly away. She smiled and just looked at me. I can still see her vividly now. I felt calm for a moment and then my body started to sense my encounter and I got startled again. She was gone. That was it. I had a hard time going back to bed. Why is she coming? Who is she and what is the message?

The next day, I will be honest to say that I was a little freaked out. I have never had a spirit visit me on a regular basis. I was uncertain to the message, feeling a bit uneasy that it might not be something positive. Was it a warning, was she trying to tell me something? Generally, I keep my spiritual things to myself. I am the only one in my family that has this sort of gift and truthfully I have been known to be the Phoebe from the show Friends, in my family. I picked up the phone to text my mom, and then put it down again, uncertain if I wanted to share. But then the urge to just tell her took over. Within less than maybe 2 minutes, she calls me frantic that she knows exactly who the woman is.

After describing my visitor, my mother informed me that the spirit was my great-grandmother, Tita; who always wore a shawl and carried a walking stick. The grandmother who had gifts of her own, but kept them silent, as you did in those days. What was so intriguing was that the night before, my mom was inspired to pull out her soup recipe, thinking she might make it for Thanksgiving. And that same night, my aunt Kori, called my mom to say that she was wondering about making Tita’s soup.

My response was something to the effect of “This is just great, you and Kori get an intuitive feeling to make her soup, and I got the physical visit, thanks guys!” She did not visit me again, so I would have to say that she was more than likely wanting me to share with them that she was in deed listening and honored that they were thinking of her. And needless to say, we had Tita’s Soup on Thanksgiving.

Monday, October 19, 2009

The Ripple Effect......

How often do we let “our issues”, whether anger, impatience, fear, judgments, or opinions affect the people around us? If you have not seen the movie “Crash”, then I highly suggest seeing it. When I first saw the movie, I was shocked at how real it was and how easy the ripple affect can take place. It doesn’t take much to affect those around us and how we can easily alter their mood and experience. In simple terms, remember as a child, the simple joy of throwing a pebble in a pond and watching it expand and branch out, ultimately fading away upon reaching shore; where it lost it’s momentum? What ripples do you cause in your life? Are they positive, loving and encouraging and helping those around you to create a better day? Or are they negative, judgmental, critical, or an anger release for yourself? You don’t always “see” how you affect people and how it affects those they then come in contact with. You don’t know if your harsh words or your frustrations with whatever is on your plate, passes onto someone else, who may be depressed, feeling hopeless, abused and mistreated, and to the extreme of maybe wondering about continuing to live their lives. Nor do you know if they are happy, self assured, enlightened, and happy with themselves and can take your negativity and reflect it and stop the ’ripple’ affect to some degree from affecting them. You also don’t “see” how they take that out in return. Do they take it out on their children, spouse, or co-worker and friends? No one knows because we only “see” a small portion of each other’s lives. We have no idea what it is like to be in their shoes, and are very presumptions to think we do. So go lightly when you toss that pebble in the water. Settle your own issues, frustrations, and anger before you step out to face your day, pick up the phone, log on face book/my space, or what ever your connections with people may be. Take the time to place your frustrations where they belong and with whom they belong. Is it “my” fault your mad at the telemarketer, the boss, your spouse, your friend, sister, mother, father, brother, or the guy/gal driving so slow on the way to work? No it isn’t. Nor do I necessarily want to hear about your negative experience, that you are trying to now pass on to me.
I challenge you to think of how often you may do this? Take a day and pay attention to how you interact with the people around you? Are you passing negative energy or positive? Are you letting your emotions spew onto others? And if you are, try to take a moment before you shift from one person to another. Take a moment and breathe, relax, file that issue in your head and be done with it, before you proceed to the next. Simply, leave work at work, leave home at home, leave your issue with your kids, sibling, parent, spouse, salesmen, with them and don’t take it out on others. And take the time to recognize when you are doing this very thing. I also challenge you to recognize what it feels like. Head out one day in a bad mood and see what happens to those around you? Then head out in a totally great mood, and see that affect. Then decide which felt better? We all have emotions to handle in the course of our lives, from anger to joy and they all have value and need to be processed and released. It is how we handle and release those emotions that are the issue of today.


The Writer’s Guild

Conversations with God
*an uncommon dialogue*
By Neale Donald Walsch

Suppose you could ask God the most puzzling questions about love and faith, life and death, good and evil. Suppose God provided clear, understandable answers. It happened to Neale Donald Walsch. It can happen to you.
You are about to have a conversation…….
(I found this book incredibly thought provoking, interesting, and challenging to read. It will challenge your ability to not be judgmental of this man’s experience. If you can get past that first initial judgment, there is a lot of value in what he experienced and has to say.)

Power of The Witch
(The Earth, The Moon, and The Magical Path to Enlightenment)
By Laurie Cabot with Tom Cowan

“Certain things are everlasting. Magic is one of them. Magic belongs to no one culture, society, or tribe-it is part of the universal wisdom…To me the word Witch is a delicious word, filled with the most ancient memories that go back to our earliest ancestors, who lived close to natural cycles and understood and appreciated the power and energy that we share with the cosmos. The word Witch can stir these memories and feeling even in the most skeptical mind.” -Laurie Cabot
(This book was a real insight for me and helped explain a great deal about my personal experiences with the spirit world)

By Judy Blume

Sandy Pressman is a nice suburban wife whose boredom is getting the best of her. She could be making friends at The Club, which her husband keeps encouraging her to do. Or working on her golf game. Or getting her hair done. But for some reason, those things don’t interest her as much as the naked man on the motorcycle…



Finding my Spirit Animal

I have always had a connection with the spirit world. I could write a book solely based on all my experiences from the time I was born. One of the most profound experiences happened to me in North Dakota, while saying goodbye to my grandfather, who was very ill. I went to a Native American Pow-wow, which was a celebration was for the local high school graduates. There were many different tribes, all elaborately dressed in their native attire. Each tribe just as fascinating and beautifully dressed as the other. Let me tell you that this was a wonderful experience for me, as I have always had an appreciation for the Indian culture and have always felt a very strong connection to them. I was totally mesmerized by the event and the drumming and dancing were intoxicating to watch. The beat of the drums were racing through my veins, bringing me to tears. I was so in awe of this culture and often felt that somewhere in time or in my genetic memory, I had been an Indian. I must have been, as the emotions that came over me hit me like a mad truck. It was a feeling that I could not explain to you. Feeling like I was stepping back in time and the room was taking on a totally different shape. It was moving in slow motion and somehow I felt like I was not myself amongst these people; I was one of them. I stood watching and saw a man dancing in the circle who was dressed as a wolf. He was marvelous and mystical to me. Every part of his body was covered with wolf hides. His headpiece was the wolf skull itself and I was drawn to him. I watched him continually, as I cried there in this gym with not a soul knowing me. Tears were just flowing and I must of looked like I was some insane lady, standing there. But what could say, I felt like I was in heaven and my emotions were taking over me. I started to take pictures of him and pointed him out to my dad and his wife, who were ready to go and looking at me quite odd. And they could tell I had no intention of leaving any time soon. They also saw him and commented on his beautiful attire, They decided to let me stay so that I could enjoy the celebration. The plan was to come back and get me when the celebration was over. It was glorious night for me and I walked away feeling very honored to share that time with them. It wasn’t until I got home and developed the film that I realized I experienced something a great more than being just a witness to a wonderful ceremony. The wolf man didn’t exist in any of my pictures. There were clear blank spaces in the line of dancers, where he would have been. He was no where in my photos, just as if he vanished and was never there to begin with. My dad and his wife both witnessed the man in the wolf attire themselves and were in shock and validated that he was really there, and I was not imagining it myself. What I found so comforting and to this day and it still give me chills of joy, was that all my life I have had spirits visit me, however, always when I was alone and never where anyone could be a witness for me. I knew deep down he was one of my spirit friends saying ‘hello’. I didn’t know at the time, however, that the wolf would become one of my most important visitors in my future. This will be a tale for another day.


"If my view is my view. How can I expect you to see my view?"

Maria’s Window…. By Karen Tatro

Maria's Window begins on a boat, where Maria is searching for a mysterious Island deep into the Indian Ocean, an Island no one has ever stepped foot on. She read about this Island, called the Crystal Core, in a small New England bookstore. It describes this Island's magical ability to enlighten your soul and bring your deepest desires to life, with its beauty and tranquility. Maria is ready for this adventure; she desperately needs a break from the mundane stress of owning a small hair salon, filled with a staff of woman, who continually has one issue in life after the next.Maria wants more. She needs more. She needs this adventure! But at what price is she willing to pay to turn her 'life's boat' around? She convinces her companion Sam, a wealthy sailor and his yachtsman, Sumshi, to set sail on this adventure with her. The three set out and soon discover they are in for a rude awakening. The beautiful Island with enchanted waterfalls and natural springs, a lover's romantic paradise, which they sought out, and find in the end; is not as heavenly as they wished to experience. Three set sail for this Island, two arrive, and one returns. The one returning has a secret and returns with a new guest.
Just a taste of my novel…interested in reading?
Karen Tatro


Living with Spirituality….

Who Am I?

There are those of us who ask this question even from a very young age. We are the soul seekers who somehow remember deep within ourselves that there is a place of wonder. We know that there is more to us then the flesh we are born with and the world doesn’t quite seem so black and white.
We are the ones who question everything. We question the stars, the universe, God and where we came from and how it all started. We are natural theologists and seek a better understanding of what we are told to believe. It is not that we are not happy and are unsatisfied; it is deeper than that and hard to put into words. It is that we are aware that we have to relearn how to get back to the source and it is not by using our brain with intellect. As we come into this world, our brain starts working it’s wonders and guides our bodies and life in somewhat a robotic manor, however, deep within us is our soul and that runs by something completely different and often the case is that the soul gets brushed aside. It can’t be explained very easily by intellect. So as we go through our life we are trying to use our brain to rationalize, explain and guide us, but it’s our soul that has the best answers. And that leads us to why there are those of us, who are the soul seekers. We remember our soul and feel it there. And we know Who Am I?

This topic of Who Am I is such a complex topic as there are so many aspects to it. First, think of who you are physically? Your body is a physical thing. Then there is the DNA of you; your genetic history. It is the total sum of all of you and your entire DNA link. Every genetic family trait is neatly wrapped up in a nice package and passed down from one generation to the next. I often wonder how much our genetic history pops up in our memory, like little air bubbles in a pool of water, just coming to the surface. The question of Re-incarnation comes to mind with this thought process. Is it re-incarnation or a genetic memory from an ancestor in the 1700’s? That is a topic of it’s own to ponder on. Then there is you, the part that is the Mind. The “I” in the picture that is all about ego and beliefs and thought processes and emotions. The mind is a powerful thing, we have all heard this, and boy it true. The mind has the ability to fool your body, both physically and mentally. For someone who has ever taken Martial Arts or has studied the practice of meditation, and for that matter experiencing child birth, you know that you can use your mind to shut off pain or to give your body the extra strength you need, or to see something that isn’t there. There are many examples of how people have used their mind to alter their physical body. The mind is a trickster.
A simple tool that I was taught and use to this day when I am being judgmental, is to sit in a room and pick an object in the room that you will focus your attention on. When you have, focus on it and tell yourself the object is beautiful. Give it a few moments. Ponder the beauty of the object and study it. Then do the same thing, however, tell yourself the object is ugly. Continue this practice, using many forms of description. Say it is bold, bright, big, and little, what ever you can think of. In no time you will actually ‘see’ how your mind will create what you tell it to see. It works and is a great realization of how you see things.
The third part of who you are is your Spirit, your Soul. There is the trilogy that is used in so many ways to define the same thing. Mind/Body/Soul, Father/Son/Holy Ghost, Subconscious/Conscious/Super-conscious, and so on.
So when you seek to discover who you are, you have to search all the aspects of you. There are many great tools and services out there to help on your quest. Learn them all. Challenge your beliefs and learn about different religions, cultures, people, thoughts and ask yourself, Who Am I and What Am I exactly?

In my magazine, The Mirror, I plan to help you do that. I will not only spark the conversations and the questions, but I will also have a list of resources and information on the different services and people that are available for you. My magazine is all about helping you on your journey to being able to answer that question.
"All life has a branch of that foundation and develops or focuses in on what it wishes to be."

Parenting with a view…..

Attention Please??????

It doesn’t matter what age you are, whether you are 3 or 50, you want your parent’s attention. It doesn’t have to be for hours on end, just a few moments will do. Actually, at times you don’t want it at all, but there are those times when you need something more from them and boy does it get frustrating when you want it, no matter what age you are and don’t get it.
I remember when I had moved my hair salon from it’s location in town, to my home. I had a small four seasoned porch that my husband converted to a salon, so that I could be home with my children. I learned just about how giving attention was exactly what I had to do. The majority of the time I worked, I had young high school babysitters that came to my home after school and it worked wonderful for all the years I ran my shop. But those in-between babysitters were really a challenge. My clientele were very supportive and being mothers themselves, totally understood that I had small children at home with me. They didn’t want to cancel their appointments and wait for the new sitter. They were all very encouraging to just say what the heck, we’ll make it work. And we did. Sometimes for me though, the constant interruptions drove me nuts. A half hour hair cut, sometimes could take a full hour. It was stressful. I did the usual things, set out toys, put in a favorite movie or TV show. But what really ended up working for me was the sound advice I got from a loyal and wonderful friend Vicki, and our great Dr. Boxer.
Dr. Boxer explained that children want attention, and they don’t have the developmental ability to sometimes control whether they are getting it in a negative way or a positive way. Attention is attention, simple as that, and they will get it any way they can. As a parent, I know I have asked many of times, “Do you like to get in trouble”? I’m sure you have asked the same thing. So the advice was to try to give as much positive attention as possible.

Vicki told me that when she needed to get things done, she would set aside a simple 15-20 minutes to play with her son. No matter what he wanted to play? And sometimes it was just being in his room watching him play, or listening to him tell a story and show her stuff. Just by giving him that 20 minutes of time, would then allowed her to go about her task. Everyone was happy. And believe it or not this really worked for me. So in that time period of in-between sitters, I would schedule a break in-between each client and would play with my son. Everyone happy!

As parents we often forget that our children are not little servants to please and do all we want them to do. They are their own beings, sharing our time and life together. And they need our attention. Life is not all about us; sometimes it needs to be about them. It’s a give and take.
So think about how often do you make the time for your child, no matter what age, whether a toddler or a grown adult to listen or play with them? Are you involved in their lives? Do you really try to be? And what really keeps you from it? Is it your work, your time, your issues? What ever it is, try to carve out in your day time for them.
"One must learn your true self."

The feathered and furry friends…..

In memory of Whispers “Woobie” Causey Aug 1995-2009

Whispers passed peacefully the morning of Monday, August 10, 2009. Memories, that flooded my mind like an old-fashioned picture movie, occupied much of my thoughts in the days preceding her death. A Maine Coon cat, just shy of turning 14, was declining in health and I was faced with a heart wrenching decision. My faithful companion since she was six weeks old. I found her in a parking lot, disheveled and sickly; it was love at first sight. Over the years, she truly proved to be my earth angel ~ my constant companion, confidant, and the epitome of a presence of unconditional love.
Selfishly I wanted her to live and I tried to rationalize the medical lengths I could go to. And so the debate between my heart and mind ensued. And then I received a message…
Sunday, August 9th was a muggy, overcast day and I was out mowing the lawn. While in the backyard I sensed a presence. A keen awareness of wildlife is something I am blessed with. So I looked, for what I assumed was a deer looming in the woods that border our yard. While scanning the woods, I became aware of the crispness of the trees, the incredible definition of the landscape. The “sensation” intensified and then in my mind’s eye I saw her. Dressed in a white sheath, a translucent veil covering her head was a woman standing amongst the trees. The details of her face were unclear except for her smile. A wide, closed mouth smile is what I received, and next to her, by her feet, was Whispers. My beautiful, bright-eyed, healthy cat radiated peacefulness and love. I believe that this was my message from the angels waiting to receive her on the other side, a message to comfort me. As they faded into the surroundings I was brought back to a more conscious state; the sound of the idling lawn mower, the breeze, and the stirring of the birds and insects. I knew what I must do for her.
On Monday morning my 4-year-old son told me, “It’s time for Whispers to go home”. And with my decision made, I took her to her veterinarian. I am so thankful and grateful that I was with her until the very end, telling her that I love her, and hugging her tight when they told me that her heart had stopped. Her spirit was now free.
I feel an incredible ache in my heart, now that she is gone, but I am comforted by a wonderful gift from beyond. On the evening of her passing I asked for a hummingbird to visit, to let me know that she was okay. As I finished my plea, one flew to my feeder for a drink and perched there for a moment. I know that she is at peace.
I love you, Whispers,

(Heather L. Goehringer- Causey)

The Horoscope’s View…

September 23rd to October 22nd Libra

Good Points: Charming, easy-going, friendly, loving
Bad Points: Indecisive, changeable, extravagant, naïve.

Libran babies collect compliments with their beautiful, sweet looks from the day they are born. When they smile, the enchanting magic lights up the whole room. A little Libran can melt the hardest of hearts, responding to adoration gracefully with appreciation and applause. He soon learns that smiling can work miracles to help him get what he wants. However, Libran children should always be encouraged to make their own decisions, in their own time, even if it does seem ages before they decide which foot to put their sock on first. If your toddler is reluctant to do something, it’s not because he’s lazy, it’s just that little Librans generally take longer over tasks than other children because all decisions have to be well-balanced and considered thoughtfully and carefully beforehand. So try to be patient while he makes up his mind. Vibrant colorful clothes will catch his eye from and early age, but watch your bank balance-little Librans have an eye for quality and can have expensive tastes. A born performer, his Thespian and musical talents should be nurtured…you could be producing a star!


A View from The Kids...............

If a child lives with Criticism, He learns to Condemn

If a child lives with Hostility, He learns to Fight

If a child lives with Ridicule, He learns to be Shy

If a child lives with Shame, He learns to feel Guilty

If a child lives with Tolerance, He learns to be Patient

If a child lives with Encouragement, He learns Confidence

If a child lives with Praise, He learns to Appreciate

If a child lives with Fairness, He learns to be Just

If a child lives with Security, He learns to have Faith

If a child lives with Approval, He learns to Love himself

If a child lives with Acceptance and Friendship, He learns to find Love in The World.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Living Deliberately......

“What is the purpose of living deliberately?” When I think of this, it makes me instantly refer to a quote by Nathaniel Branden.

‘To live authentically, to speak and act from our innermost convictions and feeling. To refuse to accept unearned guilt and to do our best to correct such guilt as we may have earned. To be committed to our right to exist, which proceeds from the knowledge that our life does not belong to others and that we are not here on earth to live up to someone else’s expectations. To be in love with our own life, in love with our possibilities for growth and for experiencing joy, in love with the process of discovery and with exploring our distinctively human potentialities.’

So, what is living deliberately to me? First, let me start by expressing that mostly living deliberately is all about choice. Choosing to live your life, and not let your life be lived by what has been chosen for you. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Well in some ways it is. At any given time in our lives, when we can sit down and ask ourselves the simple question. “Am I happy right now? Is this what I want?” You can ask yourself this question in reference to many things; job, spouse, family, friends, and so on. To live deliberately is to not live based on old patterns of the past, or the feelings of not being good enough, worth enough, or can’t, but to live by acknowledging those old patterns and saying to yourself, I am going to start a new and I can. We often let beliefs, some that we have been taught, some that are based on our experiences that we encountered in our life, or experiences that someone else encountered and we take on that belief as the road map to how we live. We use that belief to steer our car in a direction. Here’s a good example of what I am referring to: A parent that is afraid of the water, will sometimes unaware or aware pass that down onto the child. Then the child grows up never learning to swim because of a fear that his/her parent has. At some point the child can make a choice to either accept that fear and continue to live with never experiencing the joy of swimming, or making a choice to say; “ Hey, I really want to enjoy swimming and I am going to learn.” We often miss out on living our life deliberately by living it with the stale, old belief systems of others and our own and living it from a fear based belief. I can’t try that, because I will probably fail. That is not living deliberately.

So I challenge you to make a list of the things in your life you would like to change. Then look at that list and make another list of the things you would have to do, in order for that change to happen. Then look at that list again, and adapt the belief that you are capable of making that happen!!!

“Is life living you? Or are you living your life?”

“Effortless becomes effortless; when over-achieving ends.”